Saturday, 26 November 2011

Blog: My Least Anticipated Films for 2012

2012 is a year with many movies we are looking forward to, be it the sequel to The Dark Knight, the latest Quentin Tarantino film or Ridley Scott's return to the Alien franchise (come on, you know it'll somehow be connected to Alien). But, the year can't just be filled with great films we look forward to, there also has to be the one's we curse studios for going ahead with, the one's we refuse to see. Here are the ten films I will not be at all anticipating next year.


10) Underworld Awakening

Release: January 20th

Premise: Selene wakes up after years to find the world knows Lycans and Vampires exist, and are looking to exterminate both species. Also, Selene is a mother.

Why? The Underworld franchise ended well with Selene being able to walk into the sunlight and starting a relationship with Michael, so the fact that they're returning to spoil this ending puts me down a bit. What I really don't like is the kid angle. Also, the last film which had a horror character waking up to the future was Jason X, so that doesn't really help. The director is responsible for the awful 2010 film 'Shelter' and it's in 3D.

Silver Lining: The film has something severely missed from Rise of the Lycans, Kate Beckinsale in Leather, better known as Selene. Besides, this film might actually be as good as, if not better than, the previous installments. And it helps that Len Wiseman, creator of the original Underworld film series, is involved.

9) Wrath Of The Titans

Release: March 30th

Premise: A decade after defeating the Kraken, Perseus is trying to live a quiet life as a fisherman while being the sole parent to his 10 year old son.  Meanwhile, the gods are losing control of their imprisoned Titan, and their leader, Kronos, father of Hades, Posiedon and Zeus. Ares, son of Zeus, makes a deal with Kronos, siphoning Zeus' powers and unleashing hell on earth. So now Perseus, with Queen Andromeda and others, must venture into the underworld to defeat the Titans.

Why? The first film was a bad mess, what with being full of plot holes, bad performances, an overblown use of CGI and boredom, which is a shame, as the original Clash Of the Titans is an utter classic of a film. Plus, the 3D from the original was considered some of the worst 3D ever used in a film, even being nominated for the Worst use of 3D Razzie.

Silver Lining: The directors and actors have gone on the record saying that the 2009 remake was awful, and intend to make up for it. The real question is whether this promise can be kept. Plus, with Gemma Arterton's character Io not returning, perhaps this film will actually stick to the original myth and have Perseus get together with Andromeda.

8) Halloween 3D

Release: October 26th

Premise: No information has been released, but we can ascertain that it will continue on from Rob Zombie's reboot and involve Michael Myers killing people with the addition of 3D.

Why? The original Halloween is a true horror classic, utterly chilling and brilliantly done. Rob Zombie's reboot ignored what John Carpenter did so well with the original film and went for cheap scares instead and showcasing the actual violence.

Silver Lining: At the current time, the film is without a director, the two writers dropped out to work on the Hellraiser reboot, it isn't confirmed whether a script has been written or if any of the cast members from the first two films will return, in fact, the only thing confirmed as of far is it's release date and that it's in 3D. If we're lucky, it may not be released due to a lack of, well, everything.

7) Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace 3D

Release: February 10th, 2012

Premise: The film tells the tale of a young Obi-Wan Kenobi and his master Qui-Gon Jinn, as they deal with protecting Queen Amidala, fighting the Sith and encountering a young boy named Anakin Skywalker.

Why? Of all the films where 3D has been wasted, post-converted 3D is the worst use of 3D that exists, and what's more post-converted than a movie that's been out for over 10 years? It really feels like a money-making scheme than an actual service to the fans. Plus, off all the Star Wars films to pay to see on the big-screen instead of in the comfort of your own home, The Phantom Menace is on the top of nobody's lists, considering it has annoying kid Anakin, boring trade disputes and Satan himself, Jar Jar Binks.

Silver Lining: There's a chance George Lucas may pull off some amazing 3D work, I mean it's certainly got to be better than the rush jobs we're getting nowadays. And The Phantom Menace may be the worst Star Wars film, but it's certainly better than people say (or at least I thought so).

6) Playing The Field

Release: March 9th

Premise: Gerard Butler plays a former athlete who coaches his sons football team, but is unable to resist trying to score with the players moms.

Why? The film is basically Gerard Butler coaching his sons football team while trying to shag the moms of the other players. Not much else is known about this film, but I predict Butler will fall in love with someone (presumably one of the moms, possibly someone else entirely) and that'll put a wrench in his plans.

Silver Lining: Gerard Butler may star in a lot of bad movies, but he's remained a consistently good actor throughout, so at the very least, we can get that. And the film may surprisingly be better than we expect.

5) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D

Release: October 5th

Premise: Picking up directly where the original film left off, this will involve a girl and her friends travelling to Texas to collect an inheritance, where they come across Leatherface

Why? The director gave us Takers, the writer gave us Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday. Not exactly a good track record. Plus, just about every modern day entry into an old horror franchise has given bad results (Halloween, Friday The 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellraiser)

Silver Lining: It's ignoring all of the other entries into the Texas Chainsaw franchise, which is a plus.

4) Battleship

Release: May 18th

Premise: Based on the boardgame, a naval fleet come across an alien fleet in the ocean.

Why? Watch the trailer. It's like they took the most basic of a navy film and let Michael Bay do a re-write on it. And it does seem like Hollywood is scraping the bottom of the barrel by making a film based upon a damn board game.

Silver Lining: The film boasts good talent with starring Alexander Skarsgard and Liam Neeson, so hopefully they haven't signed up for any old crap. Plus, the film's supposed to show the story from the alien's perspective also, and this could be an interesting idea.

3) I Hate You, Dad/Donny's Boy

Release: June 15th

Premise: Adam Sandler visits the son (Andy Samberg) he fathered with his teacher back in high school, on the eve of his son's wedding, and begins feuding with the bride (Leighton Meester)

Why? Read the premise. What part of that actually sounds funny, or plausible? Plus, Sandler has been on quite a downhill slope lately what with Grown Ups, Just Go With It, The Zookeeper and Jack and Jill "gracing" his track record. And it certainly doesn't help that 40 year old rapper Vanilla Ice will be starring in this one.

Silver Lining: Adam Sandler may surprise us with this one, and it must be better than Jack and Jill, right? Right? Hello?

2) Scary Movie 5

Release: April 20th

Premise: The film spoofs many horror films for laughs. Those expected to be spoofed include the Final Destination series, the Child's Play series and Paranormal Activity.

Why? Watch any spoof film from the past 10 years, and then you'll understand why. If you'd rather not, the Scary Movie franchise is one of the worst franchises in film history, claiming to spoof films when they actually take tv and film scenes and moments and re-do them, adding piss-poor "jokes" that make you want to turn it off by smashing a brick into the screen.

Silver Lining: Jason Freidberg and Aaron Seltzer, the monsters responsible for some of the worst films of all time, have nothing to do with this film, so there may be a few laughs somewhere. You'll have to look hard for them though.

1) The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Release: November 16th

Premise: Bella and Edward are married, have a kid and Bellas a vampire. Now they have to save their child.

Why? It's a Twilight film. Oh, you want better reasons? Okay, did the film really need to be split up into two parts? While that was a logical decision for Harry Potter, it just seems like a money-making decision from the producers. The first part of BD seems like the first part of The Deathly Hallows, the build up to an extraordinary battle, but Breaking Dawn doesn't have a big battle that's worth a whole film building up to it, in fact it doesn't have a battle, just has the characters calmly coming to an agreement. Is that really worth giving a whole film to?

Silver Lining: After this film, we won't have to endure this shitty saga ever again, and vampires can be taken seriously once more.

So that's my 10 least anticipated films for next year. What are your least anticipated films for 2012? Comment below, I look forward to knowing.

4 comments:

  1. Some films in there that are likely to be replusive piles of shit. All these 3D films are just total utter crap. Plus that new Sandler movie looks awful.

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  2. Can't argue with any of those choices...nope, they're probably all going to be shockingly poor.

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  3. Underworld, Battleship, and Scary Movie 5 I wanna see. The rest are going to be no doubt piss poor. Especially "I Hate You Dad". Hopefully people will have learned from Jack and Jill though.

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  4. @Myerla 3D is just getting lazier and lazier. I miss the days when 3d films would have things flying at you

    @filmdrivel I don't expect much from any of these films, thanks for agreeing


    @Chris Skoufis Adam Sandler has not learned, he will continue on a downward spiral until he becomes a Pauly Shore rip-off, but i'm hoping he'll learn

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