Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Red State (2011)

Kevin Smith's in a messy state

Set in Middle America, a group of teens receive an online invitation for sex, though they soon encounter fundamentalists with a much more sinister agenda.

Friday, 7 December 2012

Blog: Disney bought Star Wars - My LATE views

I know the news has been out for a while now, but after carefully composing my thoughts, I figured it would be worth sharing my two cents on the matter.

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger! (2012)

The script needed regenerating

Donald Peterson (David Tennant) is an anxious new teacher who struggles to deal with his rambunctious pupils and his loose cannon classroom assistant Mr Poppy, while caring for his heavily pregnant wife. When Mr Poppy decides St Berndadette's should enter the National 'Sing a Song for Christmas' competition, he convinces Donald to sign the entry forms, later kidnapping him for an epic impromptu road trip to Christmas Castle in Wales, where the competition is being held.

BLOG: Similarities between The Dark Knight and Skyfall

Many reviewers have said that Skyfall owes a debt of gratitude to The Dark Knight for what it did, and as a such, Skyfall is the closest we'll have to getting a Christopher Nolan directed Bond film.

With this in mind, I did come to spot a number of similarities between the two films (other than they're both being utterly amazing).

WARNING! SPOILERS BELOW!

Blog: THEORY TIME - Jingle All The Way

Since 'tis the season to be Jolly, I figured a Christmas themed blog post was in order.

The other day, I suffered through the Arnold Schwarzenegger starring festival turd that was Jingle All The Way.

Halfway through the film, a theory came to my mind.

Sunday, 18 November 2012

The Devil Inside (2012)

A devilish watch

In Italy, a woman becomes involved in a series of unauthorized exorcisms during her mission to discover what happened to her mother, who allegedly murdered three people during her own exorcism.

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Skyfall (2012)

Spy in the Sky

Bond's loyalty to M is tested as her past comes back to haunt her. As MI6 comes under attack, 007 must track down and destroy the threat, no matter how personal the cost.

Thursday, 1 November 2012

House on Haunted Hill (1959 & 1999)

For this review, I am going to review both versions of House on Haunted Hill in one complete post. Enjoy.

House on Haunted Hill.jpgAn eccentric millionaire and his wife have invited five people to the house for a "haunted house" party. Whoever stays in the house for one night will earn a lot of money each ($10,000 in the original, $1,000,000 in the remake). As the night progresses, all the guests are trapped inside the house with ghosts and other terrors.

Saturday, 20 October 2012

Hostel: Part III (2011)

Torture to watch

While attending a bachelor party in Las Vegas, four friends are enticed by two sexy escorts to join them at a private party way off the Strip. Once there, they are horrified to find themselves the subjects of a perverse game of torture, where members of the Elite Hunting Club are hosting the most sadistic show in town.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Scream 4 (2011)

Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson return to make a new generation Scream

It has been 15 years since the original Woodsboro Murders that occured in the original Scream movie. Sidney has returned to her home town, promoting her self-help book, where Dewey is now Sherrif and married to Gail. But, there's a new Ghostface Killer on the loose, targeting Sidney and everyone around her.

Seed (2007)

Shouldn't have sprouted

According to U.S. law, any convict who somehow manages to survive three 15,000 volt jolts from the electric chair for 15 seconds is eligible to walk free. When notorious psychopath Max Seed is strapped into the chair and electrocuted three times, Seed is still breathing. Realizing the dangers of letting such an unrepentant menace back on the streets, the executioner and the prison doctor pronounce Seed dead. Subsequently bound and buried alive, the enraged Seed somehow manages to escape from his premature grave, and quickly sets out to prove just how alive he truly is

Friday, 21 September 2012

Detention (2012)


High school detention never ends

Bringing even more angst to student life, a slasher killer has chosen their high school as the new home of slaughter. It becomes a race against time to stop the killer, which will in turn save the world - if only the students can get out of detention.

Dredd (2012)

A futuristic police officer in armour and a helmet that covers all but his mouth stands on the corner of a building roof with a gun in his hand as large tower blocks burn behind him. Above the man reads a tagline "Judgment is Coming".You have been judged. The sentence is a drokking great film

The future world is an irradiated waste land. Somewhere off an eastern coast lies Mega City One – a vast, violent metropolis where criminals rule the chaotic streets. The only force of order lies with the urban police force known simply as the "Judges" who possess the combined powers of judge, jury, and instant executioner. Known and feared throughout the city, Dredd (Karl Urban) is the ultimate Judge, challenged with ridding the city of a dangerous drug epidemic named "Slo-Mo".
During a routine day on the job, Dredd is assigned to train and evaluate Cassandra Anderson (Olivia Thirlby), a rookie. A heinous crime calls them to a 200-story vertical slum controlled by prostitute-turned-drug lord, Ma-Ma (Lena Headey), and her ruthless clan. When they capture one of the clan's inner circle, Ma-Ma overtakes the compound's control center and wages a brutal, vicious war against the Judges that shows she will stop at nothing to protect her empire.

Friday, 7 September 2012

Jack and Jill (2011)

Adam Sandler went up the hill to fetch a pail of Razzies

Jack Sadelstein (Adam Sandler) is a successful advertising executive in Los Angeles with a beautiful wife and kids, and he dreads one event each year: the Thanksgiving visit of his identical twin sister Jill (also Adam Sandler). Jill's neediness and passive-aggressiveness is maddening to Jack, turning his normally tranquil life upside down.

Monday, 27 August 2012

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

On a scale of Return to the King to Spider-Man 3, how does this final act match up?

It has been eight years since Batman vanished into the night, turning, in that instant, from hero to fugitive. Assuming the blame for the death of D.A. Harvey Dent, the Dark Knight sacrificed everything for what he and Commissioner Gordon both hoped was the greater good. For a time the lie worked, as criminal activity in Gotham City was crushed under the weight of the anti-crime Dent Act. But everything will change with the arrival of a cunning cat burglar with a mysterious agenda. Far more dangerous, however, is the emergence of Bane, a masked terrorist whose ruthless plans for Gotham drive Bruce out of his self-imposed exile. But even if he dons the cape and cowl again, will Batman be a match for Bane?

Thursday, 23 August 2012

101 Dalmatians (1996) & 102 Dalmatians (2000)

Trying to lick your balls is a better way to pass the time

101 Dalmatians (1996)

Fashion designer Anita (Joely Richardson) and computer-game writer Roger (Jeff Daniels) meet, fall in love and marry along with their dalmatians Perdita and Pongo. But the proud dogs' puppies are kidnapped by Anita's boss Cruella De Vil (Glenn Close), who is stealing young dalmatians to make the coat she has set her heart on. Enlisting the help of the British animal kingdom, Pongo and Perdita set out to find and rescue all ninety-nine pups from their fearsome captors, Jasper (Hugh Laurie) and Horace (Mark Williams).

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Scream 3 (2000)

Scream: The Third or Scream: The Turd?

3 years after the murders at Windsor College, Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) has gone into isolation. But masked killer Ghostface returns to kill the cast members of Hollywood film 'Stab 3', leaving behind pictures of Sidney's mother, Maureen Prescott, forcing Sidney to come out of hiding.


Sunday, 12 August 2012

Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star (2011)

Born to suck (Insert pornographic joke here)

A small-town manchild with big buck-teeth, Bucky Larson (Nick Swardson), stumbles upon a family secret: His quiet and reserved parents were famous porn stars in the 1970s. This motivates him to leave northern Iowa for Hollywood, hoping to follow in their footsteps and fulfill his destiny as the biggest adult-film star in the world. Unfortunately, he has no idea how to become a porn star like his parents, and his penis is incredibly small.

Saturday, 11 August 2012

Trailer Overload #2: Thunder Down Under

Welcome to the second edition of Trailer Overload. In this edition: Teenage looking models vs the invading Korean army, the 1st Duke of Suffolk discovers he's not from Earth, Anton Chigurh targets Dame Judy Dench and Paul Rudd examines his balls while Leslie Mann lies about her age.

Friday, 10 August 2012

The Change-Up (2011)

Getting freaky, but not on a Friday

Dave Lockwood (Jason Bateman) is an overworked lawyer and family man who feels his life is horrible. Mitch Planko Jr. (Ryan Reynolds) is an actor with practically no job and does nothing but get high all day. Mitch, who feels that he and Dave have been drifting apart over the years, makes plans for him and Dave to go to a bar and watch a football game. Dave is jealous of Mitch's life, as he feels that he grew up too fast and wishes to experience the care-free life that Mitch has. Mitch tells Dave that he is jealous of the loving family and financially stable job Dave has acquired. While urinating into a fountain, they simultaneously wish that they had each other lives. The next morning, they both awake to find they have swapped bodies.

Monday, 30 July 2012

Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance (2012)

If you only see one film where a flaming skeleton pisses fire, make it this one

8 years have passed since former stunt-driver Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage) made a deal with the devil, and became the Ghost Rider. French priest Moreau (Idris Elba) finds him and makes an offer: save a little boy who the Devil (Ciarán Hinds) is after, and Moreau will free Johnny of the Ghost Rider.

Friday, 27 July 2012

Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World (2012)

A film of apocalyptic proportions

A seventy-mile wide asteroid named Matilda is on a collision course to Earth, giving the world only three weeks left until impact, at which time all of humanity will be wiped out. During a riot, Dodge (Steve Carell) escapes in a car with his neighbor Penny (Keira Knightley) and Dodge's newly found dog, Sorry. Dodge promises to get Penny to a man who will fly her to her family in the UK, provided Penny gets Dodge to his high school sweetheart, Olivia.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Trailer Overload #1: The Quickening

Welcome to Trailer Overload. This will follow my trailer reviewing posts, only will review multiple trailers within the same post. In this edition: We go back to college to find our kidnapped wife, while fighting off an alien invasion side by side with a slave and proclaiming ourselves as the law.

Saturday, 26 May 2012

American Reunion (2012)

Group picture of the cast. Alyson Hannigan has a baby bottle in hand. The pie has only a small slice left.The last slice of the pie?

Thirteen years after graduating high school, Jim Levenstein (Jason Biggs), Chris "Oz" Ostreicher (Chris Klein), Kevin Myers (Thomas Ian Nicholas), Paul Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas), and Steve Stifler (Seann William Scott) have moved on with adult life and responsibilities. Jim is married to Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) and they have a two-year-old son. Oz is an NFL sportscaster living in Los Angeles with his supermodel girlfriend Mia (Katrina Bowden). Kevin is married to Ellie and works from home as an architect. Finch has supposedly gone missing, and Stifler works as a temp at an investment firm. They all reunite in East Great Falls when a Class of 1999 reunion is announced.


Sunday, 13 May 2012

The Avengers (2012)

Comic book fans, assemble!

When Loki arrives on Earth and threatens global safety and security, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) finds himself needing to revive an initiative, which was designed to bring together a remarkable group of beings in order to protect the world. Bringing together a super soldier frozen since the '40s, the god of Thunder, a narcissistic playboy with a high tech suit, a gamma radiation expert with anger issues, a master archer and a deadly Russian assassin, The Avengers are born.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

2 years in Development Hell. Was it worth the wait?

Five college students, Dana (Kristen Connolly), Curt (Chris Hemsworth), Jules (Anna Hutchison), Marty (Fran Kranz) and Holden (Jesse Williams), drive out to a remote cabin within the woods to have a wonderful vacation. But, not all is as it seems.

And for the sake of everybody who has not seen the film yet, I shall leave the plot there and reveal no further spoilers. There are a number of films where people will say it is better to go into it unspoiled, this film is the prime example of that. So it is safe for you to read on and still be shocked and surprised by this film upon your first viewing.

Friday, 2 March 2012

Rashômon (1950)

"You liked Rashômon" "That's not the way I remember it"

Three travellers, a woodcutter, a priest and a commoner, gather under a ruined temple during a storm and discuss a crime the like of which they have not heard of before. As the story goes, a bandit named Tajomaru meets a married couple upon a forest road. The story ends with the wife raped, the husband dead and the bandit arrested for the death. The story of what happened and how the husband ended up dead is told from different perspectives.

Trailer: The Avengers (#2)

Following on from Iron Man, Iron Man 2, The Incredible Hulk, Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger, Nick Fury (Samuel L Jackson) gathers the characters from each of these films to defend Earth, fighting Loki and his (unknown) army.

Trailer: That's My Boy

Donny (Adam Sandler) visits the son (Andy Samberg) he fathered with his teacher back in high school, on the eve of his son's wedding, and begins feuding with the bride (Leighton Meester).

Saturday, 25 February 2012

The Ides of March (2011)

See? Democrats can be nasty also

During the frantic days before a heavily contested presidential primary, up and coming campaign secretary Stephen Meyers (Ryan Gosling) battles for Governor Mike Morris (George Clooney) in the race to win the Democratic presidential nomination. When the opposing candidate's campaign manager (Paul Giamatti) offers Stephen a job on his staff, Stephen neglects to inform his campagin manager (Philip Seymour Hoffman). As his silence is revealed, Stephen uncovers a dirty personal secret which could sink Morris' political career.

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Blog: How could Breaking Bad go about it's final season?

A few days after entering the new year, I finally managed to finish watching all of the currently aired episodes of Breaking Bad, and I do agree that it one of the best drama's on TV at the moment. Of course, with the show renewed for 16 final episodes, you do have to wonder what direction they'll take to close out the show. I have an idea.

*Warning: Contains spoilers for the first four seasons of the show. The rest is just speculation*

Battlefield Earth (2000)

File:Ew be spoof.jpgA worse religious recruitment film than Passion of the Christ

It is the year 3000. Earth is ruled by aliens known as Psyclos, who have decimated Earth to mine for Gold, which is apparently valuable to aliens to. Few humans remain, some are kept as slaves for the Psyclos, and Johnny (Tyler Pepper) begins to build a resistance against the Psyclos.

Battlefield Earth won all 7 Razzies it was nominated for at the 21st Golden Raspberry Awards, and in 2010, was the recipient of the Worst Picture of the Decade award. But the big question is, did it deserve those wins? Hell yes it did.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Ghost Rider (2007)


110 minutes on a highway to Hell

As a teenager, Johnny Blaze sold his soul to The Devil, Mephisto (Peter Fonda), in an effort to save his father from cancer, but the next day, his father died in a motorcycle accident. Years later, Johnny (Nicolas Cage) has become a stunt motorcyclist rider, and Mephisto returns, giving Johnny the power to transform into a vigilante with hellish powers and a flaming skull where his head should be, Ghost Rider.

Monday, 6 February 2012

The Animal (2001)

Rob Schneiders head appearing from behind long grass. A red feather is sticking out from between his lips.It stars Rob Schnieder, you know what to expect

Marvin Mange is a man who, after being critically injured, is unknowingly put back together by a mad scientist who transplanted animal parts, resulting in strange permanent changes to his behavior.

Friday, 3 February 2012

The Artist (2011)

Silence is (awarded a) golden (globe, amongst other awards)

Hollywood 1927. George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) is a silent movie superstar. The advent of the talkies will sound the death knell for his career and see him fall into oblivion. For young extra Peppy Miller (Berenice Bejo), it seems the sky's the limit - major movie stardom awaits. The Artist tells the story of their interlinked destinies

Blog: My Most Anticipated Films for 2012

Yes, we are now over a month into February and there are lots of terrific looking films to come our way throughout this year. So I have composed this list detailing the films I am most looking forward to this year. I should point out that there are a lot of films which I may be interested in later, when more is released about them, like a summary or a trailer, but this is my top 20 for now. Some choices may be obvious, some may be surprising, this is my list. Feel free to comment about whether you agree/disagree with some of my choices.

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Taken (2008)

If you don't read my review, Liam Neeson will find you, and he will kill you

Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson), an ex-CIA agent, travels to Paris in order to locate Kim (Maggie Grace), his daughter who has been kidnapped to be sold as a sex slave, and has only 96 hours to do so, before he loses her indefinitely.

11-11-11 (2011)

Made by 80085

After the death of his wife and child, an author travels to Barcelona to see his estranged brother and dying father, where he learns that his life is plagued by events that occur on 11/11/11.

Look at the poster. Those aren't 11's, that's an x-ray screen of Darren Lynn Bousman giving the viewers the bowfinger, twice, with the help of another person. After seeing this film, that's what I feel I see whenever I look at that damned poster.

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Die Hard (1988)


Now I have a review of this film, ho-ho-ho


On Christmas Eve, New York City Police officer John McClane (Bruce Willis) arrives in Los Angeles, in the Nakatomi Plaza building during it's company Christmas party, to reconcile with his estranged wife, Holly. While McClane changes clothes, the party is disrupted by the arrival of Hans Gruber and his heavily armed group, who plan to steal the 600 million dollars locked in Nakatomi's high-tech safe. The group seize the tower and secure those inside as hostages except for McClane who manages to slip away, barefoot.

Monday, 23 January 2012

Tucker & Dale vs Evil (2011)




Curiosity may have killed the cat, but misunderstandings killed the college teen


Tucker and Dale are two best friends on vacation at their dilapidated mountain house, who are mistaken for murderous backwoods hillbillies by a group of obnoxious, preppy college kids. When one of the students gets separated from her friends, the boys try to lend a hand, but as the misunderstanding grows, so does the body count.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Frozen (2010)


May end up leaving you cold



Childhood friends Dan (Kevin Zegers) and Joe (Shawn Ashmore) along with Dan's girlfriend Parker (Emma Bell) spend a weekend at a ski resort. The three friends bribe the ski attendant to let them take one last run down the mountain. Before the friends reach the top, the ski attendant is replaced and tells his replacement that three more skiers are still left to come down. Once three other skiers come down the mountain, the attendant shuts down the lift, stranding the three friends in their ski lift far above the ground.

Friday, 20 January 2012

Rubber (2010)



Not a Goodyear


In the California desert, a tire comes to life and embarks on a killing spree as an audience watches the events unfold through binoculars. The tire kills by vibrating intensely and psychokinetically causing people's heads to explode. Settling into an obscure, desert town, the tire finds a woman that he is interested in. A sheriff investigating the murders is inside and outside the diegesis, sometimes participating in the narrative action and sometimes commenting on it.


Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

How I Met a drug addled Doogie Howser

Harold (John Cho) is a slightly uptight banker who begrudgingly accepts into doing his colleagues' work. Kumar (Kal Penn) is a slacker who intentionally botches every medical school interview his father gives him. The two are best friends, who after smoking some marijuana, decide to drive to White Castle to get some food, but find the nearest White Castle is no longer there. Given directions by a crazy Burger Shack employee, they then decide to drive to the next closest White Castle, but end up encountering a number of problems along the way.

Friday, 13 January 2012

Observe and Report (2009)

Observe on how not to make a comedy, and report to Judd Apatow for tips

Bipolar head of security, Ronnie (Seth Rogen), makes it mission to apprehend an anonymous flasher who's been going round exposing himself to various women around the mall, whilst trying to win over his dream girl Brandi (Anna Faris), contend with Detective Harrison (Ray Liotta) and live out his dream of becoming a real police officer.

Brüno (2009)

Good reviews are so 2009

Gay Austrian fashion reporter Brüno (Sacha Baron Cohen) is fired from his own television show, Funkyzeit mit Brüno (Funkytime with Brüno), after disrupting a Milan Fashion week catwalk, and his lover leaves him for another man. Accompanied by his assistant's assistant, Lutz (Gustaf Hammarsten), he travels to the United States to become "the biggest Austrian superstar since Hitler".